A Helping Hand or Not?
For many of us, life seems full of problems. Sometimes, we may think that we are the only one to have this problem. At other times, we know that many feel the same.
Yet we may not know how to get help. We may find it difficult to talk to others about our problems. In some cultures(I mean most Malaysian), it is very difficult to admit our problems to other people!
You can tell if a friend is going through a tough time if he or she
• Avoids friends and activities.
• Talks about wanting to die.
• Can’t sleep.
• Is moody, teary or quiet.
• Is moody, teary or quiet.
• Starts neglecting his or her appearance.
• Appears to have no energy or no appetite.
• Appears to have no energy or no appetite.
• Expresses feelings of despair, hopelessness and helplessness.
• Tries to cut or hurt himself/ herself.
• Starts giving away personal possessions.
• Starts giving away personal possessions.
• Makes statements like ‘It’s my fault’ or ‘I won’t be around to face…’
What can you do to help
You can do a surprising amount with very little effort. Listening saves lives. Be there with them and be prepared to listen.
• Approach your friend and let him/ her know you have noticed.
• Ask about his/ her well-being.
• Listen to his/ her problems and feelings.
• Be accepting, do not judge.
• Be patient and gentle.• Show that you care.
• Be patient and gentle.• Show that you care.
• Ask openly and directly if he/ she is thinking of harming himself/ herself.
• Take threats seriously.
• Get help.
• Get help.
• Call BEFRIENDERS.
What you should not do
What you should not do
• Don’t offer empty words or reassurance.
• Don’t give up on your friends – maintain contact with the person at risk.
• Never assume that talk of suicide is simply a manipulation for attention.
• Don’t think that having previously failed an attempted suicide will prevent someone from another attempt.
• Don’t minimize your friend’s pain.
• Don’t minimize your friend’s pain.
Being close to someone who is in distress can be very hard. We are also here to support you and listen to your concerns and fears.
Never give advice to someone if you are not ready to do so. It took me 11/2 years of learning to become a Life Coach and in that process I have become more uncomfortable to give out advice then I used too. I know realize that giving advice when a person is having real problems can be really life changing for that person. You either make his problems better or make it even worst. And most likely or not you will make it worst.
Here is a simple step to see if you are ready to give advices.
• Lisa is 14 and pregnant. Should she agree to have an abortion?
• Eric is 26 and HIV-positive. Should he tell his family?
• Lily is 43. Her husband has a girl friend in China. Should she leave him?
• Albert is 68, and in constant pain from cancer.
Would it be right for him to take an overdose?If you answered ‘YES’ to these questions, then never give any advice to anyone you probably do more harm then good. If you answered ‘NO’…. then you are still better off not giving advice to anyone.
But if you weren't sure, if you can listen to people tell their stories without making judgments then most likely can give out advices but be careful. We don’t want to do harm to anyone.
But if you weren't sure, if you can listen to people tell their stories without making judgments then most likely can give out advices but be careful. We don’t want to do harm to anyone.
I would like to introduce you to Blog-4-Help. Where if one has real problems and need personal help, they can email her for more advice. At this site (Not run by me) All email sent to this site is confidential and the person running this site will do the best she can to answer your questions objectively. Confidentiality
The Blog-4-Help offer absolute confidentiality.Nothing ever goes beyond the Blog-4-help, whatever the circumstance. There are no exceptions to this rule. Thier policy of absolute confidentiality also means that if asked, they will neither confirm nor deny whether someone is in contact with us. This confidentiality is absolute
Labels: Site Review
March 27, 2007 at 1:42:00 AM GMT+8
"Don’t minimize your friend’s pain". What are we supposed to do. Aggravate his/her pain....
March 27, 2007 at 8:12:00 AM GMT+8
Yes sometime it feels the best thing to do is to minimize your friends pain but that is not the best thing to do. Listen to them..I mean not just hearing the words but really listening to them is enough most of the time...giving someone a quick fix to minimize the pain is never a good idea.
Aggravating ones pains...hmm if you are really evil like Dr.Phil...then maybe.
But the best thing to do is just to listen. Don’t give advice but just listen..